FADE UP ON:
CROSS SECTION OF CHURCH CONFESSIONAL BOOTH
to find A PRIEST seated on his side of the confessional reading a Bible. An attractive YOUNG WOMAN ENTERS the other side, sits and leans forward toward the grill separating her from the priest. MUSIC: CHURCH ORGAN IN THE BACKGROUND WOMAN
Bless me, father, for I have sinned. PRIEST
Most of us have, my child. WOMAN
Yes, but...I...I've been sleeping around. PRIEST
That will be ten Hail Mary's... WOMAN
Six men last week. PRIEST
(putting Bible down)
...and your phone number. WOMAN
The problem is, father... PRIEST
(groping around in his cassock)
You can never find a pencil in these damn robes! WOMAN
...I really like it. PRIEST
Do you have a pen or a pencil, my child? WOMAN
Shouldn't I feel guilty? PRIEST
What's your name, my dear? WOMAN
Glands. Maybe it's my glands. PRIEST
Glands are good, my child. Very, very good. WOMAN
I just can't seem to say "no." PRIEST
Are you in the phone book? WOMAN
I guess I do have a nice body. PRIEST
I get off work at six. WOMAN
Men are always staring at my breasts. PRIEST
What's your cup size, my child? WOMAN
Sometimes they want me t'do...well... kinky things. PRIEST
Do you ever wear black garter-belts? WOMAN
I can't even talk about some of the things I do! PRIEST
(leaning closer to the grill)
Be strong, my child! Be strong! God needs to know! WOMAN
(glancing at her watch)
Well, I better be going. PRIEST
Oh, no! No! You mustn't do that! WOMAN
(with compact and lipstick)
I'm supposed t'meet this guy at the Regency Motel. PRIEST
Do you know your Bible, my child? The passage that begins, "Menage a trois, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!" WOMAN
(shuddering with anticipation)
Oooooooo, God! You should of heard some of the things he said he was going to do. PRIEST
Yes! Yes! What things! What things! WOMAN
Forgive me, father. But I'm getting so damn hot just thinking about it! PRIEST
Hot! Hot! Yes, yes I understand! That's, that's the devil's fire, my child. The devil's fire! We must cast him out! Together!
(looks up and howls at the ceiling)
You hear that, sweet Jesus? Her loins drip with demonic lust! Can we help her, Jesus? Can we help her!
The PRIEST wrestles with the buttons on his cassock as he tries to peel it off. PRIEST (CTD)
Oh, yes! Yes, my sweet savior. I understand! I know what you want from me, now! I know why you stuck me in this ass hole parish for sixteen incredibly lousy, shitty years!
The YOUNG WOMAN completes restoring her makeup, RISES and EXITS the confessional. THE PRIEST HAS NO IDEA SHE'S GONE. PRIEST (CTD)
(howling at the ceiling)
You were testing me, Jesus! Right? Testing me? Well, I'm ready! Yes, I am ready! And I feel your love and your power rrrrrr-rising within me! Make me your instrument, sweet savior, so that together we may save this poor, corrupt, misguided wretch from her living hell of perpetual, promiscuous pleasure!
(quietly, as he leans down to the grill)
Patience, my child. I'll be right there.
(stands again and howls)
Exalt in the gifts of the Almighty, oh ye ponderous pretenders of little faith! He works in mysterious ways his many manifest miracles to perform!
(leaning down again to the grill)
Are you ready for your absolution? You magnificent, lascivious bitch!
THE PRIEST has finally torn off his cassock, leaving only his underwear and a crucifix hanging around his neck. He rushes from his side of the confessional and THROWS OPEN THE DOOR to the penitnent's side, ONLY TO FIND IT EMPTY. PRIEST
Ohhhh, no! No! No!
(slumping down in the chair
he rocks back and forth, mumbling,
as he fingers his crucifix))
Hail Mary, full of grace. Blessed are you among women. Blessed is...is...the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Blessed is...blessed is...
(rising, he gains strength)
Blessed is the Regency Motel, Lord! Yes! Yes! Do you hear me! Blessed is lust! Blessed are the horny at heart for they shall inherit paradise! Blessed are hot, groin-grinding bodies! And blessed are...blessed are...are...
(looks up and shakes his fist at the cathedral ceiling)
Oh, you son-of-a-bitch!!
(slumps back down into the chair)
FADE OUT | 
