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FADE UP ON
Avuncular, conservatively dressed HOST gives the following a serious, deadpan delivery:
HOST
Welcome to "Outrage." A series of short television dramas, created under the direction of a controlled substance, and designed specifically to:
...ridicule authority,
...celebrate hypocrisy,
...offend the conventional wisdom,
...and desecrate as many of the virtues and values in our society as time permits.
Tonight's edition of "Outrage!" is called . .
FREEZE FRAME AND SUPER SEGMENT TITLE
FADE UP ON:
CLETUS LEADBETTER'S OFFICE. TIGHT ON INTERCOM BOX
as buzzer sounds and LEADBETTER'S beefy finger presses the talk back switch.
CLETUS (VOICE)
Yes, Mary Lou. . .
RECEPTION ROOM, CROPPED SHOULDER SHOT
looking past GEORGE BAKER'S waist to see MARY LOU at her desk, leaning toward the intercom unit and looking up at Baker as she talks.
MARY LOU
(upset, glancing at Baker's business card)
Mr. Leadbetter...You remember that letter you wrote the Internal Revenue last month? The one about gettin' a tax exemption for doin' community services 'n things like that?
CLETUS LEADBETTER'S OFFICE INTERCOM BOX
with Cletus' finger still on the switch.
RECEPTION ROOM CROPPED WAIST SHOT
continues as MARY LOU tosses worried looks up at BAKER.
MARY LOU'S POV to see GEORGE BAKER FOR THE FIRST TIME
a well dressed BLACK MAN, poised and confident. One hand in his pocket and the other holding an attache case.
CLETUS LEADBETTER'S OFFICE INTERCOM BOX with Cletus' finger still on the switch.
CLETUS
(very pleased)
They is! Well, I'll be right out! Right out!
MARY LOU'S VOICE (FILTER)
(a warning)
But, Mr. Leadbetter! I don' think. . .
(cut off as Cletus' finger releases the intercom switch)
WIDE TO SEE CLETUS FOR THE FIRST TIME
He wears the red satin robes of a Ku Klux Klan Imperial Wizard. On his office walls are large photos of Lyndon LaRouche, Adolph Hitler and George Lincoln Rockwell in full Nazi regalia.
Also, several KKK meeting announcement posters; a gun rack holding rifles and shotguns; a Confederate flag; and framed newspaper pages with headlines reading: ABYSSINIAN CHURCH FIRE-BOMBED and CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER BEATEN.
Humming happily (Confederate Battle Hymn) Cletus rises, puts on his cone-like Imperial Wizard hat, smooths out his robe, straightens Hitler's picture, strides confidently to his office door and opens it.
RECEPTION ROOM, DOOR TO CLETUS' OFFICE as CLETUS throws it open and steps out with a big smile.
BAKER flashing his badge at Cletus.
BAKER
(very cool)
George Baker. Special investigator. United States Treasury Department. Are you Cletus Nathaniel Leadbetter? Imperial Wizard of the Grand Exalted Coalition of the Ku Klux Klan?
CLETUS
(struck dumb)
Ahhhh. . .Yeah. . .Well. . .I. . .uh. . .
BAKER
(holding out letter)
You wrote this, Mr. Leadbetter? Requesting tax exemption status as a non-profit, community service organization?
CLETUS
Uhhhhhhh. . .
CLETUS
(forced grin)
Oh . . A talk? Yeah. . .Well, sure. Uh, yes. Of course. A talk.
BAKER
Privately
CLETUS
Privately? Uh. . . uh. Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. Best you step into my office, Mr. uh . ..?
BAKER
Baker. George Baker.
CLETUS
Baker. Right. Yes. Well, jus' you come along right in here, Mr. Baker.
(stands to one side as Baker enters)
I'll . . . uh . . . be right in. You jus', uh, make yourself comfortable, there. Make yourself comfortable.
(closes door and hisses at Mary Lou)
God damn, woman!
CLETUS runs over to the window and peers out to see if anyone's there. Then, he yanks down the shade and snaps the curtains closed.
MARY LOU
But, Mr. Leadbetter . . .
CLETUS
Jesus! Here I am runnin' for re-election as Imperial Wizard. And wha'd'you think my chances are gonna be if somebody stops by and finds me palaverin' with, with Rastus Revenue in there! God damn! I was countin' on this tax exemption idea to win me some votes! But I got no mind t'find a twelve guage barrel up my butt! Well, don't jus' sit there, woman! Get a move on! Get a move on! Get out the "Closed for the Day" sign and hang it outside!
MARY LOU
(jumping up)
Yes, sir!
CLETUS has turned to open the door to his office, but swings around.
CLETUS
And don't you go answering no phone calls, neither! We're closed! Understand? Closed!
MARY LOU
You want I should call the sheriff?
CLETUS
No, damn it! You don't call nobody! Nobody!
Breathing deeply, CLETUS tries to compose himself. Then, with a wheeze of resignation, he opens the door to his office.
CLETUS LEADBETTER'S OFFICE looking past BAKER as CLETUS enters, closing the door behind him.
CLETUS
(forced smile)
Well...This, uh...This is, uh...
BAKER
An unanticipated surprise?
CLETUS
(forced laugh)
Ah, ha! Yes! Yes, by God! You could say that, Mr. Baker. Yes, indeed, you could say that. I do admire a man with a sense of humor. Indeeeeed I do.
CLETUS waves to chair in front of his desk
CLETUS (CTD)
Well, now. Sit yourself, Mr. Baker. Sit yourself down. Might as well be comfortable, I always say. Yes, sir-reee.
BAKER sits, puts his attache case on Cletus' desk and takes out a file.
CLETUS CROSSES TO A WINDOW and looks outside to see if anyone is watching. Then he pulls the shade down, sits behind his desk, removes his peaked hat, opens a cigar humidor and holds it out to Baker.
CLETUS
Cigar, Mr. Baker?
(no response)
Well, uh, how are things in our nation's capitol these days?
BAKER
(reading from file)
You are Cletus Nathaniel Leadbetter? Imperial Wizard and Cosmic Leader of the Grand Exalted Coalition of the Ku Klux Klan?
CLETUS
(lighting his cigar)
Well, uh, yes. Yes. I have that honor, suh. I am, in fact, the number one "exalt." In a manner of speakin', of course.
BAKER
Before the government considers your application for tax exemption as a community service activity Mr. Leadbetter, I have a few questions.
CLETUS
A few questions? Uh-huh. Well, now, that's fine. You jus' fire away, Mr. Baker. Fire away, there. We have nothin' t'hide, here. No, suh! Nothin' t'hide.
BAKER
(with tax return)
I have, here, the Grand Exalted Coalition's most recent tax return.
(holding it out)
Is that your signature, Mr. Leadbetter?
CLETUS
(leans forward, putting on his glasses)
Uh, huh. Hmmmm. Let's see, there. Yes. Yes, indeed it is. Nuthin' irregular, I trust?
(leaning back)
I'm sure you'll find everything in order.
BAKER hands a page to Cletus
BAKER
And this list of itemized deductions. Done with your knowledge and approval?
CLETUS
(looking at page)
Well, now. Let's see, here. Yes, yes, I remember these. This here's a list of some, uh, special expenses incurred in the process of carrying out our, uh, our various educational and community service programs.
BAKER
(taking page back)
I see. Well then, you won't mind if I ask for some additional information.
CLETUS
Noooooo, suh! You got any questions, any questions at all, you jus' fire away, Mr. Baker. Fire away, there.
BAKER
As long as we're on the subject of firing away, Mr. Leadbetter, perhaps you can tell me more about this item...
(reading)
"Five thousand rounds of high-velocity, thirty caliber machine gun ammunition." You have it listed as "Ballistics research and membership entertainment."
CLETUS
(smiling)
Ohhhh...That. Yes... Well, now. About that, well, uh...
BAKER
(reading)
And here's one for twelve cases of construction-grade dynamite listed under "Religious demolition activites."
CLETUS
Oh? That one! Well, now, Mr. Baker, you see that one was, uh... well...it was...
BAKER
Any perhaps you can explain this item for...
(reading)
"Two hundred gallons of high-octane gasoline." The costs for which have been deducted as: "Slum renovation expenses."
CLETUS
Oh, ho! Yes! Well, now. About that one. Sure. I can explain. It's not like it sounds, Mr. Baker. Not like it sounds at all!
BAKER
And what are we supposed to make out of this one? (reading) "One hundred and eighty-seven yards of red and white satin." You have it listed as a: "Professional wardrobe deduction."
CLETUS
(getting worried)
I do? Well, now, I admit that some'a those may seem a mite strange, Mr. Baker. I mean no offense, you understand, but I guess it's safe t'say that you, bein' from up north 'n' all, you are not too well abreast of the scope and nature of our various, uh, educational and community activities down here in the South.
BAKER reacts with deadpan stare.
CLETUS (CTD)
(more worried)
Of course, I may have been a little fast on a couple a'those. You know how it is, Mr. Baker? Tax deadlines n'all. You kind of rush things. Naturally, I'll be happy t'take under advisement any corrections you might uh, recommend.
BAKER as deadpan stare continues.
CLETUS (CTD)
(very worried)
But, uh, well just t'make sure maybe I should, uh, get t'gether first with my financial advisory committee.
(slaps his desktop)
Yes, sir, by God Mr. Baker! That's what I'll do. Jus' t'review things, you know an' make sure we can answer all, uh, questions t'your complete satisfaction.
BAKER
(rising)
You do that, Mr. Leadbetter.
(hands Cletus an official looking envelope)
And while you're at it, you better ask your committee's advice about this.
CLETUS
What's this?
BAKER
An order from the Federal District Court
(closing attache case)
Closing down the Grand Exalted Coalition of the Klan for tax fraud...
CLETUS
(jumps up)
Fraud!!!
BAKER
...and impounding all files, bank records and membership lists...
CLETUS
(getting weaker)
Files!!
BAKER
...and appointing a federal tax examiner to go over all your financial records for the last ten years.
CLETUS
(sinks back down into his chair)
Finances!
BAKER
(heading toward the door)
That is correct. Good day, Mr. Leadbetter.
CLETUS
(sputtering)
But...but...Mr. Baker. Hold on there a minute, now! I'm sure we can work somethin' out, here!
(rising)
Now, there must be somethin' we can do! Let's not, you know, let's not go rushin' off in a, a precipitous manner so t'say! I mean, I know we can work somethin' out! Let's just talk this over! I mean, you know? Very calm and collected? Jus' two men of the world discussin' a problem, as it were. We can work somethin' out! Surely, we can!
BAKER has his hand on the doorknob ready to leave, but he pauses.
CLETUS
(encouraged)
I mean I'm prepared t'do anythin' you say, Mr. Baker! Anythin' you say! Anythin'at all that will clear up this unfortunate misunderstandin'.! I'm sure it's just all a ... a big misunderstandin'! Yes, suh! Just a big misunderstandin'!
BAKER thinks for a moment and turns to Cletus.
BAKER
There is one thing we could try, Mr. Leadbetter. But you won't like it.
CLETUS
(much relieved)
Oh, you jus'try me Mr. Baker! Anythin' at all! You jus' name it! Anythin' at all!
BAKER has crossed to the desk. Takes a cigar from the humidor, passes it under his nose for a leisurely sniff, bites off the end and spits the piece out as Cletus leans forward to light it.
BAKER
(after a leisurely puff)
All right, Leadbetter. Here's what we're gonna do...
DISSOLVE TO:
RECEPTION ROOM MARY LOU AT HER DESK as intercom buzzer sounds and she answers it.
MARY LOU
Yes, Mr. Leadbetter?
CLETUS' VOICE (FILTER)
(strained)
Come in, please, Mary Lou. And bring your steno pad.
MARY LOU picks up steno pad, rises, crosses to the door to Cletus' office and opens it
CLETUS LEADBETTER'S OFFICE
as MARY LOU enters, sees something, and lets out a shriek as she drops her steno pad.
MARY LOU'S POV
to find BAKER SEATED behind Cletus' desk, WEARING THE RED IMPERIAL WIZARD ROBES AND HAT as he puffs on a cigar.
BAKER
(flicking cigar ashes)
Pick up your pad, please, Mary Lou. And take a memo.
REACTION SHOT
as a horrified MARY LOU looks over to CLETUS.
CLETUS is slumped down in the chair in front of his desk, wearing only his undershirt and dungarees. He nods a weary "okay" at Mary Lou as he pours himself a shot of bourbon.
CLETUS
Do what the man say, girl. Jus' do what he say!
MARY LOU picks up her steno pad and sits.
BAKER
Good. Now, take this down please.
(leans back, feet on desk, to dictate)
"This is a memo to: All Knights and Nobles of the Grand Exalted Coalition of the Ku Klux Klan. From: George A. Baker, Director of Long Range Planning and Implementation. Subject: Re-evaluation of organizational goals and objectives." Am I comin' through, Mary Lou?
MARY LOU nods with slack-jawed incomprehension.
BAKER
Outstanding, my dear. Outstanding. Okay, moving on.
(dictating)
"As your new director of long-range planning and implementation, it is my considered opinion that a disproportionate amount of our resources are presently being spent on dealing with (A BEAT) the black problem."
CLETUS for reaction as he takes a big gulp of booze.
BAKER
(dictating)
"I propose, therefore, that we turn our considerable talents and energies to another area which I know concerns us all." Underline all, please Mary Lou. "Namely: Devising a final solution for . . . the spics, the chinks, the kikes and the wops."
CLETUS for a slow-breaking, pop-eyed smile as he realizes what Baker has just said. Then he jumps up, grabs a glass, pours a shot and hands the glass to Baker.
CLETUS
(rebel yell)
You beautiful black son-of-a-bitch! Have a drink! By God, you are somethin' else, boy! You are reeaally somethin' all together else!
TIGHT ON GLASSES as they clink together. Then we ZOOM IN past the glasses to focus on the picture of ADOLPH HITLER
MARTIN LUTHER KING'S VOICE
Free at last! God almighty, free at last!
CUT TO BLACK (ON DISSONANT CHORD HIT)
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