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FADE UP ON:
SENATE HEARING ROOM
as the chairman gavels for order
SENATOR
All right, now! This senate sub-committee investigation will come to order! Order in the room, here! Order, please! Order!
(pointing)
You photographers an' press people will have to find seats! No more snappin' an' poppin' pictures, here! Distractin' us from the serious business at hand.
(looking around as room noises diminish)
All right, now. We all here? Then let's get started. Our first witness this morning is a young lady well known to all of us. Our very own, sweet 'n' lovely Senate page, Miss Sue Ellen Grossmeyer.
(confidentially)
You're not nervous or anythin' are you, honey?
SUE ELLEN
Oh, no, Senator. I'm fine. Thank you very much.
SENATOR
An' you are aware, Sue Ellen, that you promise to tell us the truth an' nuthin' but the truth? Is that correct?
SUE ELLEN
Oh, yes indeed, Senator. I surely am.
SENATOR
Outstandin'. Simply outstandin', my dear. Now, I suspect you know why we're all here. An' why this room is so crowded with all these reporters an' TV cameras?
SUE ELLEN
Yes, Senator. I think I do.
SENATOR
It is indeed a sad day for this Republic when things reach a point where we must call upon a sweet young child, such as yourself, to testify before a Senate committee. But, all that notwithstandin', there have been certain scurrilous allegations bein' made aroun' here concernin' certain activities by certain Senate pages and, uh, certain Senators. The likes of which are not all together consistent with the serious duties and responsibilities of this august legislative body.
(leaning forward)
Now, to the best of your recollection Sue Ellen, honey, do you know, or have you heard 'bout any of these here so called "salacious practices an' relationships" to which I am alludin'?
SUE ELLEN
Oh, no sir.
SENATOR
(victorious)
I hope all you sensation seekin' press people got that! The young lady said, "No, suh!"
SUE ELLEN
(trying to interrupt)
But, Senator...
SENATOR
An' ah'm sure that this is the answer we'll be hearin' from every single witness that comes before this committee!
SUE ELLEN
Excuse me, Senator.
SENATOR
Yes, child?
SUE ELLEN
Well, I don't know if it really counts or not, but there was the time that Senator Patterson called me into his office.
SENATOR
Senator Patterson? I see. An' jus' what did the good Senator want?
SUE ELLEN
Well, he said, "Hi, Sue Ellen. How would you like to give me a blow job?"
SOUND: BACKGROUND BABBLING ERRUPTS, CAMERA FLASHES GO OFF
SENATOR
(pounding gavel)
Order, here! Order! This chamber will come to order! Quiet back there! I'll have this room cleared if I don't get order! Silence!
(noises subside)
Now, Sue Ellen, you know you are under oath?
SUE ELLEN
Yes, Senator.
SENATOR
An' you know what a sinful n' terrible thing it is to tell a falsehood?
SUE ELLEN
Yes, Senator.
SENATOR
All right now, child. I can understand how all these cameras n' lights n' people n'microphones could, uh, compromise your accurate recollection of events. Now, let's jus' compose ourselves an' you think on it, again. All right, now. Is that what Senator Patterson precisely said? Where those his exact words?
SUE ELLEN
Well, not exactly Senator. No.
SENATOR
Ah, ha! Now, Sue Ellen, I know you don' wish the good Senator any harm to his outstandin' reputation.
SUE ELLEN
Oh, no sir.
SENATOR
Good, good. So let's get it right, now. Exactly what did Senator Patterson say?
SUE ELLEN
Well, he said, "Hi, Sue Ellen. How would you like to give me a blow job (PAUSE) while you're sitting on my face?"
SOUND: BACKGROUND BABBLING ERRUPTS
SENATOR
(furious gavel pounding)
Order, here! Order, damn it! Order! This is my last warnin'! One more outburst and I will have this chamber cleared! Silence, here!
(noises subside)
Now, Sue Ellen honey, if further investigation should, in any way, substantiate your allegations – if the Senator did, indeed, extend to you an, uh, indescent suggestion – you may rest assured that we will, uh, look into the matter. But, before we continue, I must press you a little further. Painful as it may be. I must ask you what you said to the Senator, after what you say he said to you.
SUE ELLEN
(reluctant)
Well...
SENATOR
Come now, Sue Ellen. We must have the whole story. Be brave, honey. Be brave.You're among friends, here.
SUE ELLEN
Well, okay. I said, "Head will be a hundred and fifty dollars, and straight fucking a hundred and twenty-five."
SOUND: NOISES ERRUPT
SENATOR
Now, just a goddamn minute here!
SUE ELLEN
And I told him I don't do whips, bondage, or golden showers.
SENATOR
(furious gavel pounding)
The sergeant-at-arms will clear this chamber! Everyone out'a here! Out! Turn off those cameras! Turn off those microphones! You hear me! Off! Off!
(standing)
Everyone out'a here! Out! Out! This here sub-committee stands adjourned! We will resume in executive session after lunch, an' take further confidential testimony!
(noises subside as he bends
down to the senator seated
next to him)
Say, uh, Harry. Any chance you can lend me a hundred and fiifty bucks until tomorrow?
FADE OUT
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