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THE OPENING MULTI-IMAGE MODULE IS OVER. FOR A MOMENT, NOTHING HAPPENS. THEN WE HEAR SICO'S BLEEPING AND HIS VOICE. BUT WE DON'T SEE HIM YET. (SICO IS A SIX FOOT TALL, REMOTELY CONTROLLED ROBOT THAT ROLLS AROUND ON WHEELS.)
SICO'S VOICE
(provided by the operator)
Well, that was strange. Very strange, indeed. I have certainly never seen or heard anything like that!
I wonder where I am? This location does not seem to correspond with my destination coordinates. Perhaps I can locate a source of indigenous intelligence to advise me.
FOLLOW-SPOT AS SICO ROLLS OUT ON STAGE AND "SCANS" THE AUDIENCE
Greetings. Is there any intelligence, here?
PAUSE - NO ANSWER
My input sensors tell me that I have accidentally accessed a minor, solar dependent planet populated by rudimentary biological units. Is that supposition correct?
PAUSE
You do not respond. Is there a difficulty with your output circuits? Perhaps if I ask you a simple universal question it will facilitate an interface.
Attention humanoid units! How many primordial parsecs are required to create a bolometric luminosity?
[PAUSE - NO ANSWER]
You are more primitive than I had first assumed. This may be difficult.
LARRY LANCE ENTERS AND SPOTS SICO.
LANCE
Just a minute, here! What the hell's going on! Just who and what are you, anyway?
SICO
Greetings biological! I am glad to see that one of you seems to be operational. Let me announce myself. I am Robot SICO from the binary star system Q99. And how are you known?
LANCE
SICO? Well, I'm Larry Lance from The Hartford. This is my meeting and what are you doing here!
SICO
It would seem that my vehicle encountered what you would call a time warp. My destination has been distorted. What is... "a meeting."
LANCE
You see all those people out there? They're all waiting to hear my opening speech. I'm supposed to be doing the talking around here.
SICO "BLEEPS" THE AUDIENCE
SICO
My sensors detect relief, not impatience.
LANCE
Oh, is that a fact! What else do your sensors tell you about this audience?
SICO
I shall require a moment to collect information.
SICO ROLLS BACK AND FORTH, BLEEPING THE AUDIENCE
INSERT THREE OR FOUR VIGNETTES OF SICO'S OBSERVATIONS ABOUT SPECIFIC PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE. (TO BE WRITTEN)
LANCE
(interrupts)
Okay, SICO, okay. Hold it for a minute. That's not bad. Quite a convincing demonstration. And it gives me an idea. How about being my guest for the rest of our meeting? I think you'll enjoy learning more about this great group of people in our audience.
SICO
Thank you, Larry-Lance-This-Is-My-Meeting. You are most accommodating.
LANCE
But . . . there are two conditions on your staying. First, you have to serve as our master of ceremonies.
SICO
A superior idea! Then I will become... "the head unit?"
LANCE
No. I am still the head unit because I pay the bills. Including yours. And second, there are to be no more wise cracks and you don't give me a hard time.
Now, if you'll just take a break for a few minutes I have some things to tell our guests that will help fill up the holes in your data base.
SICO
(as he leaves)
I shall set all my acoustic receptors on maximum.
LANCE
Good. You do that.
SICO ROLLS OFF TO THE CORNER AS LARRY LANCE STARTS OPENING KEYNOTE.
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