|
FADE UP ON
Avuncular, conservatively dressed HOST gives the following a serious, deadpan delivery:
HOST
Welcome to "Outrage." A series of short television dramas, created under the direction of a controlled substance, and designed specifically to:
...ridicule authority,
...celebrate hypocrisy,
...offend the conventional wisdom,
...and desecrate as many of the virtues and values in our society as time permits.
Tonight's edition of "Outrage!" is called . .
FREEZE FRAME AND SUPER SEGMENT TITLE
FADE UP ON:
INT. LOOMIS LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
as HARRY LOOMIS ENTERS. He pulls off his suit jacket, tosses it on the couch, sinks into an overstuffed chair, and clicks on the TV to watch the evening news.
BACKGROUND SOUND: TYPICAL EVENING NEWS
LAURA'S VOICE
Is that you, Harry!
DOORWAY
as LAURA ENTERS, CARRYING BOBO, a child's male doll. She strides to the TV set and snaps it off.
HARRY
Okay, Laura. What's the problem?
LAURA
(holding the doll up)
Bobo is the problem!
HARRY
Sue Ellen's doll? How can he be a problem? She loves Bobo! More than any other doll she has.
LAURA
(sarcastic)
Why not? How many other eight year old girls have a doll with a complete set of male sex organs?
HARRY
C'mon, now, Laura! We discussed all that. And we agreed it was silly to have to explain that every man has a tinkle-tiinkle. And then have to explain why her boy dolls don't.
LAURA
Right. So you went out and bought Bobo, the anatomically accurate Real-Boy-Doll.
HARRY
Even our pediatrician thought it was a very, well, interesting idea.
LAURA
Well, it seems that Mr. Jerome Grogan doesn't agree with our pediatrician.
HARRY
Grogan! That Neanderthal construction worker next door? What's he got to do with this?
LAURA
Sue Ellen is very proud of Bobo, Harry. So proud, in fact, she decided to share his remarkable characteristics with our neighbors.
HARRY
She did?
LAURA
Yes, she did. She went next door to Mr. Grogan's. And, when he opened the door, she pulled Bobo's pants down.
HARRY
She did!
LAURA
That's right. And it seems that Mr. Grogan doesn't support your enlightened approach to sex education.
HARRY
Oh, he doesn't does he. Well, that's...that's just tough. It's none of his damn business anyway.
LAURA
It was tough on Bobo, too, Harry.
Laura pulls Bobo's pants down and hands the doll to Harry.
HARRY
(horrified)
Oh, my God!
LAURA
That's right, Harry. Bobo, The-Real-Boy-Doll, is no longer a real boy.
HARRY
He's been...been mutilated!
LAURA
Totally emasculated is more like it.
HARRY
Oh, Jesus! Grogan did this?
LAURA
And Sue Ellen is very upset and frightened.
SUE ELLEN'S VOICE
(calling)
Mommy...
LAURA
Yes, honey.
SUE ELLEN'S VOICE
Did daddy punch the nasty man, yet?
LAURA
Not yet, honey.
HARRY
Jesus, Laura! What did you tell her I was going t'do!
LAURA
I told her you'd get her tinkle-tinkle back.
(pause)
Punching Grogan was her idea.
HARRY
Oh, that's great! Just great. Then let her go over and do it.
LAURA
(calling)
Sue Ellen.
SUE ELLEN'S VOICE
Yes, mommy.
LAURA
Daddy says it's all right if you go over and hit the nasty man.
HARRY
Laura! Stop this, for God's sake!
LAURA
(calling)
If he doesn't give you back your tinkle-tinkle...
(pause)
...then you can take his.
HARRY
Oh, my God!
(calling)
Mommy's only kidding, sweetheart. She's just joking.
(to Laura)
Jesus Christ, Laura! What kind of thing is that to tell a child!
LAURA
In case you hadn't noticed, Harry, there is a very sick man next door who has terrified our child and destroyed our property. The next thing you know he'll be coming over here with his hammer and chisel. Or, whatever it is that psycho uses.
HARRY
I am well aware of the situation, Laura.
(uncertain)
But...well...I'm not about to just charge over there and confront that crazy ape until I figure out my best move.
HARRY WALKS about aimlessly trying to think, as Laura becomes increasingly impatient.
LAURA
Forget it, Harry! Don't strain yourself. I'll go over and get Mr. Grogan's tinkle-tinkle. At least he's got one.
HARRY
Oh, Jesus, that was a cheap shot! You couldn't give me a few minutes to think this through. Noooooo. Oh, no. Let's play "who's got the biggest balls on the block." Is that the game, Laura? Is that it?
(Harry strides to the window)
Well, I just hope you know what you've started. That's all. Because, by God, you've done it now, lady. You have done it now!
(yanks the window open,
leans out an yells)
Grogan! Are you over there! Can you hear me, Grogan. This is Harry Loomis.
GROGAN'S VOICE
(coarse and abrasive)
Whad'ya want, Loomis?
HARRY
You know what I want, you pervert! Throw it over!
GROGAN'S VOICE
Look who's callin' who a "prevert." You're the sicko, Loomis. You ought'a be put away someplace!
HARRY
What's the matter, Grogan? Bobo's equipment make you jealous?
(tosses Laura a smug leer)
GROGAN'S VOICE
C'mon over here, Loomis, and I'll give you some equipment! You low life, scumbag creep! The end of my twelve-guage Winchester! That's what I'll give you!
LAURA
Don't you let him threaten you, Harry!
HARRY
(to Laura)
Yeah, right.
(to Grogan)
I'll see you in court, Grogan! You...you...you sociopathic deviate! There are laws, Grogan! Laws! And you're not gonna get away with this!
(slams the window down)
Harry looks somewhat smug and self-satisfied. But Laura continues to bait him.
LAURA
That's it? That's the biggest balls on the block!
HARRY
What was I supposed t'do? Go over there and get shot!
LAURA
(sarcastically, with mock applause)
Bravo, Harry! Bravo! "Sociopathic deviate" no less. Nice. You really hit him where it hurts.
(end sarcasm)
That cretin over there, Harry, that cretin over there couldn't even pronounce "sociopathic!"
HARRY
What the hell do you suggest!
LAURA
(walking away)
I'm going in and talk with Sue Ellen. She doesn't understand a man who emasculates dolls!
(turning to Harry)
And I don't understand a man who will let someone terrify his child!
(exits)
Choking with unresolved rage and frustration, Harry crosses to the table, picks up the phone, and punches in 9-1-1.
HARRY
(on phone)
Hello, police? I want'a report a crime! I want somebody arrested!
(pause)
Yes, arrested! The guy next door, that's who! Grogan. Jerome Grogan. I want him arrested, you understand! Arrested! I'll swear out a complaint!
(pause)
What crime? What crime? Well...he, uh...
(can't get it out)
It's uh...well, you see I have this...this unusual doll.
(pause)
Doll! Doll! That's what I said! Yes, doll! I mean my little girl has this kind of, uh, special doll. And then, well, she went next door to Grogan's apartment and pulled his pants down.
(pause)
That's what I said, yes! Pants! She pulled his pants down!
(pause)
No! The doll's pants! Not....Hello! Are you listening, here! Are you listening to me!
(cops have hung up)
Hello! Hello!
(slams down the phone)
Shit!
Choking with anger and frustration, and mumbling incoherently, Harry doesn't know what to do next. He sits down. He stands up. He pick the phone up. He puts the phone down. He opens and closes the window. He kicks a chair. Finally he slumps off toward his daughter's room.
HARRY
(calling)
Sue Ellen. Daddy's coming, sweetheart. It will be all right, honey. Just forget about the nasty man next door. Daddy will buy you another Bobo. With a new tinkle-tinkle.
Lights dim, with a spot lingering for a moment on poor little Bobo who has been left on top of the TV set.
FADE OUT
|
